Lately I was feeling like a side character of my life, even just an extra one, and that affected everything in my life. Effect my mood, my confidence, productivity and success. I am sure that I’m not the only one with this problem, so I started working on this, and I am going to share my progress with you and give you tips I’ve learned so far on becoming the main character.
Generally, speaking, the idea of “main character” energy is that one is taking control of their life, and they are trying to focus more on themselves and make their wants and desires first and foremost, therefore becoming the “main character” of their life.
Think of every character as a main character. They believe they’re the main characters in their stories. No one should just be an obstacle.Ben Edlund
How do you get main character energy?
You need to know that the main character’s energy is a mindset, and it is just one way to fight off that seasonal depression. Even main characters feel down sometimes, and that’s why it’s important to relax and take a breath. Some good ways to do this include watching a movie, taking a shower or bath, having self-care days and making your own food.
Here are some tips on becoming the protagonist of your story:
- Love yourself
This is a big deal to talk about, but without loving yourself everything is difficult. Here i just want to put my favorite song lyrics: I have that beauty
Knowing that is going
On the path to loving myself
It’s what I need the most
I’m walking for myself
It’s an action needed for me
My attitude towards myself
That’s the happiness I need for me
I’ll show you what I got
I’m not afraid because it’s me
- Choose aesthetics for yourself.
A person that identifies with a certain aesthetic would have a style of dress, taste for interior design, preferred media, and/or blog that carries across certain visual similarities that have different connotations. You don’t need an aesthetic, but that is something which worked for me and helped me gain that main character energy. There is no “better” or “best” aesthetic. Aesthetics are largely subjective and have different purposes that would make them impossible to be judged on a hierarchy.
You can create moodboards, identify a color palette, make playlists… Moodboards, blogs, and journals are a good way to better understand what visually interests you, how you have grown, what media you like, and helps you track your habits.
- Listen to yourself, your needs, boundaries.. Listen to what’s right. Some things are obvious. You already know right from wrong. Your voice always tries to tell you to do the right thing.
Keep the focus on your feelings and needs. Setting a boundary is about communicating what you need and expect. A healthy boundary would be “I need space to hang out with my friends and do things I enjoy on my own.” Trusting yourself with your own life.
Any hesitation you have to trust yourself stems from your track record of making bad decisions. The more bad decisions you’ve made, the harder it is to trust yourself. You don’t feel equipped to make decisions to move your life forward.
- Stop pleasing people. People-pleasing involves putting someone else’s needs ahead of your own. People-pleasers are highly attuned to others and are often seen as agreeable, helpful, and kind. Which can lead to a harmful pattern of self-sacrifice or self-neglect. Recall that you deserve to have time for yourself. Your goals are important, and you shouldn’t feel obligated to give away your time and energy on things that don’t bring you joy.
- Stop criticizing and judging. Being overly judgmental is a defense mechanism meant to protect the self from what could be a harmful world. Thus, those who engage in frequent judgment often feel an acute sense of social anxiety around others, developed as a defense mechanism against people casting the same judgments on them. Protects us from recognising our own unwanted qualities by assigning them unconsciously to others. Being critical about others is something you can work on. Not judging them by your own standards is a start. Understanding that others have different values, beliefs, ideals, desires and ambitions from yours, will help.
- Every main character has something to achieve, a goal, passion, something to learn and to change.
- Go and do what the main character do. Visit the beach and watch sunset listening to your favourite music, walk barefoot on the grass, clean the room, set the lights, buy Christmas little lights and place them everywhere in your room, make coffee, dress comfy, watch tv series and relax.
- You Have Nothing to Lose.
If you have nothing to lose, you can try something because even if you fail, it will not make your situation any worse, but you might gain if you succeed. Baltasar Gracian, a Spanish philosopher, once said, “Never compete with someone who has nothing to lose”. It is true that if you compete with someone who has nothing to lose, you are sure to be defeated in that race. A person who has nothing to lose has no fear.
The meaning of all this is that you should try everything you are afraid of, go to that gym, approach that person, try to make your dreams come true because you have nothing to lose.
The same way that you are the main character of your story, you are only a secondary character in everybody else’s story.Don Miguel Ruiz
“You never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only choice.” Keep going, I believe in you and hope that we will improve together.